DEALING WITH A TOXIC EX

DEALING WITH A TOXIC EX

Truth time. . . Have you ever had cause to deal with a toxic ex before? What about dealing with him/her in a wrong manner? Well, I have *to both questions actually* and I’m sure some people out there have experienced it *if not everyone* and someone might be experiencing it right now.
This article is mainly for women *I mean women dealing with ex-girlfriends of their boyfriends* but it can actually apply to men dealing with their girlfriend’s ex *or exes* but most times, it’s more of a women-issue than it’s a guy’s! This is what I mean, women love attitudes more than men so men hardly encounter a guy who had dated their girlfriend in the past pulling the guy next door like *RayJ*
I wrote this article after I had a terrific experience with an ex and I had realized I never handled it well and it’s nothing less than the truth. I hope some ladies and guys can pick up some points for future occurrences or better still, learning how to handle it well next time without regrets.
Seriously now, this article doesn’t care about the status of your relationship, that is, whether it’s a roller coaster, trying to work it out, giving it a second chance, dependent, etc. It’s solely independent of the happenings in your relationship *85% at least* ‘cos every relationship’s trying times doesn’t define the relationship *my quote*
toxic
Below are the ten things I learnt in the long run as a woman and I hope you’d pick some if not all.

1. Never try to make peace with your boyfriend’s exes: Yea, so many people do that a lot especially if you know the ex and you don’t want her to stop talking to you or something or you don’t want her to think a particular way about your relationship! Gosh! Women, we get wahala pass men and I can authoritatively say that as much as people carry a less percent in the decision makings of your relationship, so does an ‘ex’ and also, it’s not your headche to figure out, it’s your boyfriend’s! *I did that and it never worked for me; who said it would work for you*

2. Never try to be in their good graces no matter what: Have you seen a woman trying to be friends with their boyfriend’s ex, trying to make an ex like her? Yeah, it happens and it’s what I call, ‘coded misery‘. When you do that, you empower such an ex and you endanger your boyfriend. You should stop! Too much familiarity breeds contempt!

3. Never make them relevant by giving them attention: Hmmmm, this is self explanatory! Are you the type that gives your boyfriend’s ex audience anytime she comes calling? Some people say it’s being matured listening to them or you just catching fun! Abegi, properly mixed lie! Have you ever wondered what it is they say? No need to wonder, I know what most of them say, disheartening things about your bf or I’m over your bf talks etc. I wonder why women sits or stand to listen to things they know will make them miserable?

4. Remember you can’t play the game of a toxic ex gf the way she does: This simply means that, never ever come to her level, never try to become bitchy just to prove ‘a Lola Idije’. We know everybody get small shoko, we just trying to keep it low but turning it up in this situation will not only make things worse, it would embarrass you and you’d become the cause of a situation you should have been a victim.

5. There’s a limit to which you can fight for your relationship as a woman: It’s not as if you should never defend your relationship at a point, but stop trying to do your boyfriend’s job most of the time! Knowing when to and when not to is a key to keeping it sane as a woman. Don’t go and defend your relationship and your boyfriend would end up telling you ‘you shouldn’t have; there are better ways to go by it. . . ‘ or you end up feeling miserable yourself.

6. Never be bothered by what your bf’s ex(es) is up to. She can just rant, that’s all.

7. Try to understand that she might be bitter, could be foulmouthed and offensive. Her life might not be going the way she planned!

8. Never waste your peace on an ex. Let the future sort out itself; they will come around and if they never will, it shouldn’t bother you.

9. Forgive what they’ve done to you; never repay their unkindness with unkindness. *it could be hard though* Never spread their dirty linen in public even if they did that to you.

10. Finally, never feel insecure, never show a moment of weakness! You give it all up! *It would be so sad if you have to walk away from a relationship just because an ex frustrated you and not because you think it’s what is best for you or it’s over before it started!*

I hope this helped someone!
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