Only people who are sincere will admit they still have
some work to do on their relationships. Denial, as it were does not rule
out the fact that the problem is in existence and staring you in the
face for that matter.
For whatever reasons, we are
deceived by the “old wife’s tale” that some people are not meant to
love; their emotions are usually bottled up; even at the point of death
there is no place for self expression. Now tell me, why should some
people not express themselves like the others? Is there a different
blood flowing in their veins or could it even be ‘water’ instead of
blood? There is definitely no ground for this assertion as human beings
are basically made to love relationships.
Yes I know
you would put me to task if I forget to mention that culture plays a
vital role in the behaviour, attitude and values of people. But I’m of
the opinion that what is good is simply good; we all have a fair idea of
fairness and rudeness.
For the purpose of this
publication, we would be considering certain things lovers can do to
improve upon the structure of their relationship. These are:
Say
it; what you say to other people about your relationship has a way of
getting back to your spouse. People might not be able to come out openly
and tell your love that you said certain things about them but it will
definitely show in the way they relate, respond and generally treat
him/her. Just in case your spouse happens to hear your exact words about
him/her it will go a long way to condition reactions. Now that we know
this, what a great gain will it be if we concentrate our effort saying
nice things just to make our partners feel good?
There
was a case of a woman who had serious problems with her husband simply
because he never took time to say how much he appreciated her. This made
her live in self condemnation and pity but there came a day she met
with someone (a fellow woman) at a birthday party which changed her
impression of her hubby. At the peak of eating and drinking, behold Emma
(a young and trendy babe) worked up to Mrs. Lawson (the woman who has
been complaining about her husband) and extended a hand of fellowship.
Though surprised, Mrs. Lawson responded well but demanded to know who
the lady (Emma) was. She then introduced herself in a humble manner but
ended up with the information that she was in charge of the Human
Resources unit of Mr. Lawson’s office. She (Emma) went ahead to disclose
that Mr. Lawson has been saying very nice things about her (the wife).
This was the best thing Mrs. Lawson had heard since she got married and
also the “pill” that healed her marriage from the problems of many
years.
Learn about your lover’s interest; Taking pains to learn about your
Spouse’s
interest is a clear indication that you desire to please him/her
despite your differences. Once this is established, a greater part of
your marital problem is solved. Almost everyone knows that football is
not naturally a woman’s game but for me to remain happily married to Mr.
Thomas, I had to become anArsenal fan. Can you imagine that? Sometimes I
watch the match not because I want to but because I need to gist with
my love at the close of work- you know for conversation to flow, it must
be in your area of interest. This does not in any way suggest that
football is the only thing we discuss at home but it is away from my
interest; I do it for my love. Should I tell you how much this
adjustment has paid off? Oh no, it’s meant for me alone, just take the
lesson and leave the rest.
Be adventurous; I’m sure at
the mention of the word adventure, your mind quickly scrolled to
discovering things like an island or embarking on some kind of journey
no one had attempted before now. Well, if that is the way you want to
look at it, you should be the only one who discovers, knows and does
what keeps your spouse’s head spinning. But ideally, what I mean by
being adventurous is going out of your way to find out what your ‘love’
would enjoy in the true sense of the word. There is everything wrong
with a relationship that is still the way it started some five years
ago. Take it or leave it, if new things are not introduced to the
relationship, there is every possibility that couples would be bored.
Try out some new ideas, go to some novel places and map out things that
appeal to you as a person and see how it goes. I must not forget to say
it here that some of your ‘fantastic’ ideas might not work and when this
happens, you should not be discouraged. Rather, take it as a call to
more adventurous moves.
Lend a helping hand; with
apologies to the overtly independent fellows, I propose that your help
to your spouse is simply indispensable. Saying that you do not need your
spouse to help out in some issues is just like saying he/she is not
relevant to your existence-why? We need each other for life to go on
well. Have you ever heard of sayings like “no man is an island” “a tree
cannot make a forest” etc. the world would indeed be a better place if
we could work together as one.
Apart from what we can
do to help relief the burden of others, asking or allowing your spouse
to be of help to you in some way also make you feel needed in the
relationship.
Priority; when your relationship takes a
good order on your priority list, you will be moved to do things that
would in most cases work for its interest. People who place their
relationship at a disadvantaged position end up regretting in most
cases.
Time; for every venture to grow, the owner
should allocate adequate time for it. You must learn to find and spend
time with your love. If it is not practicable within the confines of
your home, please take a trip either within or outside the country just
to be alone and enjoy the serenity of your love.
Be
full of pleasant surprises; A little gift of love can go a long way to
improve the quality of your relationship. Did you hear me say
relationship is based on what you can give? No I only encourage people
to give as an expression of love. Love gives.
Appreciate;
is it a big deal to tell the other person what he/she is doing well?
Tell your partner he/she looks good and mean it-no flatteries please.
Remember to say ‘thank you’ when an act of kindness is extended.
Talk to each other about your feelings
Let ‘care’ become a frequent gesture between you.
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